


a glimpse into my mind .

by Sherlocks_mind_palace



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Depression, Freeform, Loneliness, No Fandom - Freeform, Rants, lonely, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 02:41:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17235803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sherlocks_mind_palace/pseuds/Sherlocks_mind_palace





	a glimpse into my mind .

i dont have anyone. im scared. im alone. i dont know how to do anything anymore, i have no one. it hurts so bad, i always had a best friend and suddenly no one is here. im 17 years old and im told this is what being an adult is like and im scared. im scared because i have no one to be by my side. no one to protect me or to ask if im all right. no one to comfort me or take care of me. it feels like a knife tearing through my heart, this loneliness is unbearable. i feel as though im suffocating, drowning in my thoughts with no one to go to, nowhere to run. im terrified and maybe thats why im writing this all down on archive for anyone in the world to see. i cant handle all these thoughts racing through my mind with no outlet i cant take it, i cant breathe. i had a mental breakdown in front of my parents because i cant handle the stress of living and i couldnt stop screaming and sobbing and they were scared and they didnt understand how their girl who is constantly laughing and smiling and making jokes could ever feel this way and my father doesnt believe its even real but this depression, this loneliness is the realest thing i know. im scared to let people in and act unhappy because it scares everyone away but even when i act happy im alone and im so scared. my depression is killing me, im losing this war. every day gets harder and harder, worse and worse, and i have no one. i cant help but wonder every day how many people would even care if i died. who would bother showing up to my funeral. who would shed tears for my demise. why do i care if they dont care, i dont know. i dont know. i just want someone to comfort me and ask me to stay but no one does and im so scared and it all hurts. no one asks me to stay. i just want to crash my car on the highway, make it look like and accident so my family doesnt have to go through the trauma of another suicide. i cant do it to my grandma after my cousin. but everything hurts and im beginning to believe that some of us truly werent meant for this world. i dont belong here. ever since i can remember ive been scared to death of growing up, of being an adult. im scared to death that ill be forced into responsibilities and taking care of myself when i dont know the first thing about it. finding the motivation to even get up to pee is hard let alone showering and cleaning. fear of failure and disappointment is all that keeps me going to my job and school and even that is beginning to not be enough. im so tired of living and being alone and scared. im ready to run away.  
i keep losing battle after battle with my depression and i fear that soon i will lose this war.


End file.
